Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
Medically reviewed and verified by Kate Burke, MD, MHA
Dating is both exciting and nerve-wracking! You may meet someone you feel a connection with and are interested in getting to know more. This means sharing more about yourself. When you have a chronic condition like non-relapsing secondary progressive multiple sclerosis (nrSPMS), it can come with additional challenges. Many people struggle with opening up to a partner about their condition. How do you broach the subject? When is the best time to bring it up? While these conversations are things to approach with care, having nrSPMS does not mean you cannot have fulfilling and meaningful relationships! Here is what you need to know about dating with nrSPMS and how to approach relationships with confidence and honesty.
How nrSPMS Can Impact Dating
SPMS is a secondary progressive form of multiple sclerosis (MS). This means it is characterized by symptoms gradually getting worse without periods of remission. Common symptoms are fatigue, pain, muscle weakness, numbness, and mobility challenges. All of these can impact social interactions and dating experiences. Since MS often starts in a person’s 20s or 30s, the prime years for dating, it can be discouraging to think about entering the dating scene! Having a condition that affects your physical abilities and energy levels might seem like a barrier. However, it is important to remember that a supportive and understanding partner will see you for who you are beyond your diagnosis.
Finding the Right Partner
Building a relationship on a foundation of trust is everything, especially when living with a chronic illness. You want to find someone who is willing to understand your limits and stand by you despite the challenges you face. According to experts, a healthy relationship requires a trusting partner.
First and foremost, is this relationship going to be sustainable with a chronic disease? That requires having the ability to have a trusting partner... Make sure you allow your partner time to process it and ask questions of you." - Amy Sullivan, PsyD, director of behavioral medicine and research at the Cleveland Clinic Mellen Center for Multiple Sclerosis
If someone is unwilling to accept you as you are, they may not be the right person for you. Look for signs that they respect your boundaries and show genuine care and patience.
When and How to Talk About SPMS
Deciding when to talk about your condition is a personal choice. Honesty is key in any relationship, but you do not need to bring up nrSPMS on the first or second date. Instead, wait until the relationship gets to a point where deeper discussions feel natural. A good way to frame the conversation is by keeping it simple and factual. You might say something like, “I have MS, which affects my energy levels and mobility at times. I manage it with treatment and lifestyle adjustments, but I want to be open about it with you.” Give your partner time to process the information and ask questions. If someone reacts negatively, it may be painful, but it could be a sign that they may not be the right match for you! The right person will be open to learning and supporting you in the ways that matter.
Dating While Managing Symptoms
Because nrSPMS can cause fatigue and other physical symptoms, try to plan dates with your health in mind. Here are some tips:
- Plan around your energy levels: If you get tired later in the day, think about scheduling dates in the afternoon when you feel your best.
- Choose activities that suit your needs: Low-energy activities like coffee dates, museum visits, or quiet dinners can be great options.
- Communicate: If you need to rest or change plans, let your date know! A supportive partner will understand.
Intimacy and nrSPMS
Physical intimacy can sometimes be affected by nrSPMS. You may have symptoms like muscle weakness, pain, or fatigue. MS-related sexual dysfunction is also a common symptom. This can include reduced libido, difficulty with arousal, and challenges in reaching orgasm. If intimacy becomes difficult, talk about your options with your doctor. There are a range of solutions. Try things like lubricants for dryness, addressing issues with medications, or alternate means of stimulation. You can also look at different ways to stay physically close! Non-sexual forms of intimacy, like cuddling, holding hands, or simply spending quality time together, can also strengthen your bond with a partner.
Dating with nrSPMS takes confidence in yourself and a knowledge that you deserve a loving relationship just like anyone else. Accept and love yourself first! Before trying to find a relationship, take time to come to terms with your condition and build a strong support network. Be honest with yourself when you start dating. What are you looking for? Having a goal and knowing what you want will help.
Dating with nrSPMS has unique challenges, but it does not mean you cannot have fulfilling and loving relationships. Be honest with yourself and your partner and plan around your symptoms. You can date and find a partner! The most important thing is to find someone who values and supports you for who you are, beyond your condition.
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