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The journey of fertility can have a significant impact on an individual's self-worth and identity. When faced with difficulties conceiving or carrying a pregnancy, individuals often experience feelings of inadequacy and shame. The inability to conceive a child naturally can lead to a sense of failure or self-blame. This can put a serious strain on one's self-esteem.
The societal expectation that fertility is a natural and effortless process further exacerbates these feelings, causing individuals to question their own bodies and their validity as a potential parent. As individuals embark on the fertility journey, they often find themselves investing significant time, emotional energy, and financial resources into pursuing various fertility treatments. This can result in an overwhelming feeling of being consumed by the process. Instead of focusing on other aspects of life, such as career, relationships, and personal growth, the focus becomes solely on achieving parenthood.
According to the National Institute of Health, “a recent literature review on the prevalence of psychological symptoms in infertility concluded that 25% to 60% of infertile individuals report psychiatric symptoms. And that their levels of anxiety and depression are significantly higher than in fertile controls.” Identity and self-worth as it relates to fertility struggles are some of the most difficult to treat, as they stem from a deeply personal place. But to overcome infertility challenges, mindset is a key component of success. Treating your mental health struggles ensures you are able to face these upcoming treatments head on.
Infertility and Self-Esteem
The invasive nature of fertility treatments, such as injections, medications, and medical procedures, can contribute to a sense of loss of control over one's body. This loss of control can lead to feelings of vulnerability, anxiety, and a diminished sense of self. The emotional toll of the fertility journey can also strain relationships and impact one's sense of identity within them. Couples may experience difficulties in communication, increased stress levels, and a sense of isolation. The focus on conceiving a child can overshadow other aspects of the relationship, causing individuals to question their roles as partners and their future as a family.
Psychological Problems
Psychological problems in the context of fertility refer to the emotional and mental difficulties individuals might face when dealing with fertility issues.Psychological problems can arise from the stress, grief, and disappointment associated with infertility. According to the National Institute of Health, “individuals struggling to conceive may experience feelings of sadness, anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem.” The inability to start or expand their family as desired can also lead to a sense of loss, feelings of inadequacy, and a reduced sense of control over one's life. Such psychological issues can further impact relationships, self-image, and overall mental well-being.
Resentful Jealousy
Resentful jealousy occurs when individuals experiencing fertility challenges harbor negative emotions towards others who are successfully conceiving or have children. This can include feelings of envy or bitterness towards others who are able to conceive or have children.This jealousy can arise due to a sense of unfairness or comparison, feeling left out or excluded, or perceiving others as taking their own fertility for granted. These resentful emotions may cause internal conflict, strain relationships with friends or family members, or lead to negative social comparisons.
There are ways to cope with feelings of resentful jealousy. Bloom Psychotherapy suggests, “building resilience in order to navigate the challenges of infertility. Resilience can be defined as the ability to bounce back from adversity, and it's a critical component of emotional wellbeing.”
Self-Blaming
Because dealing with infertility can be an incredibly challenging and emotional experience, it is common for individuals or couples to feel self-blame during this journey. However, it is important to remember that infertility is a medical condition and not something that can be solely attributed to one's actions or choices. If you are struggling with feelings of self-blame, there are several ways you can seek help and support.
Getting Help
It's important to note that infertility affects individuals differently, and not everyone experiencing fertility issues will experience psychological problems. However, for those who do, seeking support from mental health professionals or joining support groups can be beneficial in coping with these challenges and managing these emotions in a healthy manner.
Counseling
Many people who struggle with infertility also struggle with their mental health throughout this process. Alma, launched in 2018 by Dr. Harry Ritter, makes mental health support accessible for infertile couples. This helps people tackle fertility-related mental health struggles as part of their overall health journey.
Alma connects clients with licensed therapists, including a diverse group of over 20,000 in-network providers who can help people work through emotions and behaviors that may reinforce a lack of self-esteem or shame spirals. Almost 40% of therapists in Alma's network self-identify as Black, Hispanic/Latine, or Asian, and 10% self-identify as LGBTQIA+. With Alma, clients can find a therapist who accepts their insurance (like Aetna, Cigna, or UnitedHealthcare) and start therapy within just three days of submitting a consultation request. For those on a fertility journey, Alma offers crucial support. You can address the mental and emotional aspects of infertility. This sets the stage for sustainable well-being beyond conception or successfully starting a family.
Support Groups
Joining a support group for infertility can be immensely helpful. Connecting with others who are going through a similar experience can provide validation, understanding, and a sense of community. There are various online and in-person support groups available, and organizations like The National Infertility Association provide resources for finding local support networks.
Exploring Other Options
Consider seeking assistance from fertility clinics or reproductive specialists. These professionals can provide medical evaluations, diagnoses, and treatment options for infertility. They can help you understand the underlying causes of infertility and provide guidance on available treatments or alternatives.
If you cannot personally achieve a successful pregnancy through a fertility specialist, there are other options to consider when starting a family.
- Adoption: Consider adopting a child through domestic or international adoption. This process involves legally becoming the parent of a child who is not biologically related to you.
- Foster Care: Explore becoming a foster parent to provide a temporary or permanent home for children in need. This option allows you to care for a child who may eventually return to their biological family or become available for adoption.
- Assisted Reproductive Technologies (ART): Various ART methods, such as in vitro fertilization (IVF), intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI), or intrauterine insemination (IUI), may help individuals or couples conceive using donated eggs, sperm, or embryos.
- Surrogacy: In surrogacy, a woman carries a pregnancy for another person or couple who will become the legal parents of the child. This can involve using either the intended parents' gametes or donated gametes.
- Gamete Donation: Using donated eggs or sperm from a known or anonymous donor may be an option for conception, either through IVF or IUI. Depending on specific laws and regulations, it might be possible to choose donors based on physical characteristics and other criteria.
- Co-Parenting: Co-parenting involves forming a parenting partnership with another individual or couple where all parties actively participate in raising the child. This arrangement can be established through formal agreements, such as co-parenting contracts or known donor arrangements.
Conclusion
The impacts of the fertility journey on self-worth and identity are not solely negative. Many individuals also find strength, resilience, and self-empowerment through their experiences with infertility. Through the process, they may discover a newfound appreciation for their bodies, develop a deeper understanding of their own desires and priorities, and find support within a community of others on a similar journey.
Join PatientsLikeMe
PatientsLikeMe puts you in control of your health by providing you with the tools and community support you need to manage your fertility journey. Join others who share their experiences with infertility and insights, offering advice and encouragement. Track your symptoms, treatments, and outcomes with ease, making it easier to see the full picture of your health and communicate better with your healthcare team. You can also evaluate the effectiveness of treatments based on comprehensive patients' data. Join for free today.