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October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month in the United States. Each year in October we honor birthing people who have experienced the loss of a pregnancy or child. This can cause unimaginable grief and stress for families for a multitude of reasons. Whether it’s those affected by miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, SIDS, molar pregnancy, birth defects or other causes, it deserves our time, attention, and care.
The goal of this month is to help those who suffer in silence find support to move through this period. It started in the 1980’s under President Ronald Regan. The goal was to bring attention to this kind of loss for so many parents or potential parents. And also to help educate on the multitude of pregnancy issues that can occur before, during, and even after childbirth.
Loss and Grief
When you lose a baby, there are a host of emotions that might come up. You might feel numb or experience denial. There might be anger, sadness and confusion. You might even feel a sense of relief or acceptance.
Physical symptoms could include difficulty sleeping, concentrating or eating. These symptoms, whether physical or mental, are likely linked to a form of depression brought on by the onset of grief or loss. Just know that you are normal in feeling this way and definitely not alone. According to the Center for Disease and Control, “in the United States, the stillbirth rate is about 1 in 175 births, or roughly 21,000 babies per year. This is similar to the number of babies that die in their first year of life.”
Ways to Honor Those Who Are Suffering
Whether you are the individual who has lost a child, or someone with a loved one who is grieving, there are a few ways you could hold space:
- Light a candle: Some people light a candle in remembrance of their child on October 15th, which is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.
- Share stories: People who have experienced similar struggles can share their stories and experiences with each other.
- Be present: If you know someone who has experienced pregnancy and infant loss, you can let them know that you are there to listen if they need you.
Coping with Pregnancy or Infant Loss
When you are looking to support yourself or someone you love after the loss of a pregnancy or child, consider the following:
- Try to be gentle and kind to yourself. It is easy to place blame on yourself or assume that you are culpable in how things played out. This isn’t true. Make sure you hold space for yourself and prioritize self-care as you heal.
- Memorialize your child. Consider writing a letter or diary entry to your baby. According to New York Presbyterian Hospital, “It can also be healing to hold a funeral, memorial service, or spiritual ritual for your baby,” if desired.
- One day at a time. Grief is not a linear process. Seek mental health support that can help you to unpack everything that comes with this devastation. Whether counseling or support groups, having a place to process is critical.
- Seek community. People who have been in your shoes might have some really helpful advice as you move through this chapter. Seek support and others to lean on who can help you to continue moving forward.
The reality is there is no “right” way to grieve or process. You might be at the stage of your loss where you aren’t ready to seek help or advice from anyone, and that is okay. Each person processes traumatic events differently and needs different supports to find success, healing, and health in a difficult time. During the month of October, we at PatientsLikeMe just want to take a moment to say that we see you, we love you, and you are not in this alone. Consider joining our Women’s Health and Pregnancy Group to find other people going through similar things.
