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Many people will tell you that when you experience a tragedy there is no right or wrong way to grieve. But understanding what grief is and how it works may ease the pain of the process. Emotional responses to loss can often be overwhelming or debilitating, and coping with grief is difficult. A sudden death or event that takes away something or someone you love is never easy. Some natural responses during grief include anger, confusion, sadness, and loneliness. All these responses are normal and valid.
The Five Stages of Grief
Harvard Health Publishing, a subset of Harvard Medical School, published an article on grief that says “The stages of grief were first described by Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her book On Death and Dying. They help provide a framework for the complex thoughts, behaviors, and emotions that are often experienced with the loss of a loved one.”
These five stages of grief are as follows:
- Denial: The refusal of a person to accept the reality of the situation or loss.
- Anger: Once the realization sets in, people often respond with anger or blame themselves or others.
- Bargaining: To lessen the pain or depression being caused by grief, people often search for compromises or solutions that can help stop the grieving process.
- Depression: Depression is a feeling of sadness and hopelessness that often results with the loss of a loved one.
- Acceptance: The point at which we can reflect happily on memories with the person we lost or deal with the reality of the situation.
Symptoms of Grief
There are physical and emotional symptoms of grief. Emotional responses are often correlated with the stages of grief. Emotional reactions can include shock and disbelief, sadness, anger, guilt, and fear. All these emotions are related to processing loss and searching for answers.
But there are also some physical implications of grief that include:
- Fatigue
- Nausea
- Lowered immunity
- Weight loss or weight gain
- Aches and pains
- Insomnia
Life After Loss
According to the National Institute of Health, experts say you should let yourself grieve in your own way and time. People have unique ways of expressing emotions. For example, some might express their feelings by doing things. For others talking with family, friends or a counselor about the person who is gone can help.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve. How you approach grief depends on many factors including who you are, what your coping style is, your life experiences, religion and the level of emotional intensity surrounding the loss.
No matter who you are or how you approach grief, the process takes time. Healing is a gradual process that cannot be expedited. And unfortunately, there are no medications that can make grief or the feelings surrounding grief disappear.
How to Deal With Grief
Although grief is part of life, there are definite ways to help cope with the severity of these feelings both physically and emotionally. With these steps, you can pick of the pieces of your life and eventually find your way back to a new normal. According to Helpguide.org, some ways to deal with grief include:
- Acknowledging your pain.
- Accepting that grief can trigger unexpected emotions.
- Understanding that your grieving process will be unique.
- Seeking face-to-face support from those who care about you or professionals.
- Supporting yourself emotionally by taking care of yourself physically.
- Recognizing the difference between grief and depression.
Complicated Grief
If you find that you are unable to move through or heal during the grieving process, you may have a condition known as complicated grief. Over time, feelings surrounding grief begin to subside but if you are suffering from complicated grief you may experience:
- Obsession over your loved one’s death
- Seeking out constant reminders of your loved one
- Completely avoiding reminders of your loved one
- Excessive longing or pining for the deceased
- A complete lack of acceptance of the death
- Numbness or detachment
- Bitterness
- Feeling that life holds no meaning or purpose
Complicated grief also may be indicated if you continue to:
- Have trouble executing on normal daily tasks
- Isolate from others
- Experience depression, deep sadness, guilt, or self-blame
- Feel life is not worth living without your loved one
- Wish you had died along with your loved one
Of course, if you are in the throes of grief this guide may not feel helpful or useful. Remember, this process is your own and the way you move through these stages could be a matter of weeks, months or even years. The timeline is not predetermined. The severity of the loss will play a role in how you are able to cope and heal. Be kind, gentle and patient with yourself through this process. Grieving is not linear.
Healing With Community
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