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What is Emotional Intelligence?
Mental Health America defines emotional intelligence (EQ) as “the ability to manage both your own emotions and understand the emotions of people around you." Dedicating time to learning about EQ and how you can start tapping into it throughout your life will improve your relationships.
There are five key elements to emotional intelligence: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills.”
Mental Health America
The Five Key Elements To Emotional Intelligence
Let's dive into what skill sets are needed to maintain emotional intelligence.
Self-awareness: The ability to recognize your own emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behaviors. You are aware of your strengths, weaknesses, and are self confident.
Self-regulation: The ability to manage disruptive emotions or impulses, otherwise known as thinking before acting. When people engage in it, they consider the consequences of any response and choose responses that move towards a positive outcome or goal despite feeling negative emotions.
Motivation: The ability and desire to initiate, guide, and maintain goal oriented behaviors. It is the driving factor behind why you do what you do. Understanding your motivation can drive you to take action, encourage you to engage in health-oriented behaviors, and feel more control of your life.
Empathy: The National Institute of Health defines empathy as “the feeling of a person imagining himself in another's situation,” or “putting yourself in another person’s shoes.” Otherwise put as understanding the emotions, needs, and concerns of other people. You can pick up on emotional cues, feel comfortable socially, and recognize the power dynamics in a group or organization.
Social skills: The skills needed to handle and manage other people's emotions effectively in social settings. You know how to develop and maintain good relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, work well in a team, and manage conflict.
Why Does Emotional Intelligence Matter?
People with high emotional intelligence can identify and separate their own from others. This ability to analyze and process your own emotions as opposed to projecting your feelings onto someone else improves interpersonal relationships. It also means that individuals with high EQ can more easily navigate conflict by utilizing stronger communication skills. A high EQ can improve relationships at work, at home, and in school.
The Difference Between High and Low EQ
People with low emotional intelligence often:
- Feel misunderstood or judged by others
- Get easily upset
- Become overwhelmed or flustered easily
- Have problems being assertive or making decisions
People with high EQ, on the other hand:
- Understand the direct connection between personal behaviors and emotions
- Approach conflict or stress with calmness and a clear plan
- Often work in leadership positions as they can influence others' emotions
- Handle difficult people or situations with healthy discussion and communication
How to Improve Emotional Intelligence (and Your Relationships)
According to the Harvard Division of Continuing Education, there are three key ways that an individual can improve their EQ. Consider the following as a jumping-off point:
- Recognize and name your emotions: Mindfulness is a wonderful way to build this muscle. Taking a moment to stop and reflect before proceeding with action is a healthy step for any situation. Can you name your emotions? Where are you at right now? Consider starting with an emotional journal to reflect on your responses to various things that come up throughout your day and reflect on how you currently respond. Set goals for how you would like to respond in the future as well.
- Ask for constructive feedback: There are people in your life who can speak to your EQ right now. Ask family or close friends for a perspective on where you fall on the EQ scale now and what you can do to improve your empathy, self-reflection, or communication in all your interpersonal connections.
- Research: The more you understand about emotional intelligence, the stronger you will be—literature, books, articles, and beyond. Any and everything helps. The more you know!
Emotional Intelligence and Improving Work Relationships
Among all the positive traits effective leaders bring to the workplace, research has revealed an attribute that is more reliable in predicting overall success than our intelligence quotient (IQ) – our emotional intelligence (EQ).”
American Journal of Pharmaceutical Education
People with high EQ often “make sound decisions, build and sustain collaborative relationships, deal effectively with stress, and cope to a greater degree with constant change.”
A great leader has high emotional intelligence as they can better navigate interpersonal conflicts between employees. A true leader can listen and respond with empathy, patience, and understanding. People who tend to lack EQ do not have the best reputation as leaders, and for good reason.
Emotional Intelligence at Home
Having high EQ can help you navigate love and intimacy in a healthier way. By practicing EQ it helps those in intimate relationships to recognize infatuation over lasting love or concrete connection, prioritizes communication and conflict resolution as opposed to passive-aggressive festering, and requires a sharp awareness and regular analysis of what is and isn’t working within the dynamic(s).
The University of Utah recommends the following strategies for practicing EQ:
- Remain Curious and Ask Open-Ended Questions. This is like a therapist approach to relationships. Instead of asking closed ended questions like, ‘do you want to argue?’, try reframing the way you ask questions to be open-ended. This way, your partner(s) can express why they might be feeling a certain way. Often, it will result in a much more productive conversation.
- Validate Your Partner’s Feelings. It is possible to validate a person’s position or feelings even if you don’t agree with them. Don’t be shy in letting your partner know they are seen, heard, and valid and that you are appreciative of their vulnerability.
- Use Repair Attempts Often. “Repair attempts are any statement or action that someone uses to keep a conflict with their partner from escalating out of control.” Try humor, gentle touch, or even an apology.
- Focus on Increasing the Positives. Do not forget the element of surprise. Keep things fresh by coming up with new ways to bond and celebrate with one another. Whether your relationship is new or old, you and your partner deserve tender love and care. Put time in to keep things fresh, and you will find you can improve your relationships.
EQ Starts with You
The reality is that individuals who do not want to get better at emotional intelligence likely won’t. It requires practice and intention to improve these skills. By setting up a plan to begin with self-reflection, you can start to understand what your personal emotional triggers are and how to better manage them.
If you are passionate about improving your EQ and improving your relationships, consider talking with a professional therapist or psychiatrist about where you currently are and where you would like to be. A high EQ can be your ticket to a great work-life or even a life-long love. We all must start somewhere, so start today!
Would you like to discuss EQ in our Mental Health and Behavior Forum? Join the conversation.