Balancing Act: Managing Your Mental Illness While Parenting

Mental Illness Can Impact Anyone, Including Parents 

Mental disorders are conditions that impact how a person experiences the world. These conditions can impact how you think, feel, and act. It may even impact how you cope with events, employment, and interpersonal relationships. Mental health conditions can affect anyone, truly. No matter your age, gender, or income, it is possible to be suffering from a mental or mood disorder.

According to a report produced by Mental Health America in 2022, “19.86% of adults are experiencing a mental illness. Equivalent to nearly 50 million Americans. 4.91% are experiencing a severe mental illness.” So, what does this mean if you already are or are planning to be a parent?  

Parenting can feel overwhelming for anyone, but especially for those who are struggling with mental health. Being the best parent you can be with a disorder means getting support. Consider parenting classes or skills classes that can help you with day-to-day tasks such as managing anxiety. If you are looking for parenting resources, consider starting with a website like the Child Mind Institute. This resource can help you find the parenting program that is right for you.  

What Impact Does a Parent's Mental Illness Have on Children? 

Although the effects mental health has on a parent-child relationship are a bit unpredictable, there are some factors to consider. Mental Health America reports “although parental mental illness poses biological, psychosocial and environmental risks for children, not all children will be negatively affected, or affected in the same way.” 

Having a mental or mood disorder does not inherently mean you will negatively impact your child. Rather, your behaviors and choices as it relates to your family dynamics are what’s critical. 

“The age of onset, severity and duration of the parent's mental illness, the degree of stress in the family resulting from the illness, and most importantly, the extent to which parents' symptoms interfere with positive parenting, such as their ability to show interest in their children, will determine the level of risk to a child.”  

Mental Health America

Does Mental Illness Run in Families? 

Your family history may be a key indicator for figuring out your child’s risk for developing a mental or mood disorder. If you or someone in your family has a disorder, it is not a guarantee that it will be passed on to your child. Many factors impact these odds including trauma, high-stress environments, loss of a loved one or living through natural disasters. However, knowing your family history can help you better determine which conditions you may be at risk for and help you develop a plan to recognize early warning signs in your children. 

Though not true for all mental and mood disorders, there are some conditions that are known to have a genetic component. Conditions such as bipolar disorder commonly run in families, but even the statistics for passing on this gene are incredibly low. The reality? Your child’s genetic predisposition to a specific disorder is not necessarily a terrible thing. As a parent with the same or similar disorder, you will be better equipped to deal with your child’s needs.  

Talking to Children About Your Mental Illness

Talking about your mental health may feel uncomfortable, especially when you are conversing with your children. But trusting that children are intuitive and emotionally astute beings will serve you well. Depending on your child’s age, your kid may already be recognizing signs of your mental illness including emotional changes or difficulty regulating. If your child starts asking questions, how do you answer them?  

Research suggests the best method is honesty and transparency. Kids can understand more than we give them credit for. When you are ready to open up, consider these steps to start the conversation: 

• Share your feelings openly and honestly.  
• Bring in a professional such as a therapist and together, help your child understand what you struggle with on their level.  
• Ask them how they feel about your condition and anything they might be struggling with. 
• Try grounding exercises if the conversation gets overwhelming.  
• Respect their boundaries and request processing time if needed.

Your child’s age will obviously play a significant role in how these conversations shake out. If your child is older, consider that they may already be struggling with their own mental health conditions and will need to talk to you about their issues as well.  

Building Up Children’s Resiliency 

The American Psychological Association defines child resilience as “the ability to adapt well to adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or even significant sources of stress.” Resilience is a skill that can be taught and learned whether you are an adult or child. When we build up our resilience as individuals, we are more capable of moving through this difficult world.

Challenges will arise, and emotional responses to these difficulties are normal, but with resilience we have the power to move past these hardships. Helping your child develop resilience may feel like a daunting task, especially if you are already struggling with your own mental health. Do not fret! Here are a few steps you can take to get them started: 

1. Make connections with others.  
2. Enroll your child in a service program or sign them up as a volunteer.  
3. Maintain a daily routine.  
4. Practice mindfulness together. 
5. Help your child set and accomplish attainable goals.  
6. Help them silence their inner critic.  

Practicing Self-Care as a Family 

More than anything, it is important to develop a self-care regimen as a family. The National Council for Mental Wellbeing has some great suggestions for how to start taking care of yourself and your family simultaneously. These include:   

• Eating a healthy diet: Physical health directly impacts mental health and vice versa. By taking care of your body, you are better equipped to handle your mental disorder.  
• Exercise daily: Getting outside to move your body has numerous benefits for elevating mood. Exercise changes the chemicals in our brains and helps to regulate stress.  
• Spend quality time together. Quality time means bonding and opening your lines of communication. If you feel safe talking about your mental health, your children will feel that safety as well.  
• Develop a bedtime routine. Sleeping well helps us to regulate. Healthy sleep is critical to many brain and body functions.  It also allows us to process our experiences from the day.  
• Talk about how you are feeling. As stated earlier, transparency and honesty are key. You teach your kids how to communicate about how they feel.  

Parenting and Mental Illness Bottom Line

Of course, implementing these ideas might not happen today or this week. And if you are in a state of severe depression or anxiety, you might be thinking, “will this ever happen?” Instead of looking at this as a parenting overhaul, break this article down into bite-size pieces. Perhaps one or two of these suggestions will help to improve your relationship with your children as you navigate your mental health struggles.  

If you’re in need of connection, consider joining our Mental Health and Behavior Forum on PLM. We have a great community of other individuals who understand what you are going through and are eager to chat with you.